Bowser's New Girlfriend
by arianapa1216
Summary: Bowser has a new girlfriend, and the Koopalings, Boom Boom, and Pom-Pom do not like her one bit. What will happen in this hilarious story of the Koopalings? My first fanfic.
1. Chapter 1: Tuxedos & Lobsters

**Bowser's New Girlfriend**

**Chapter 1: Tuxedos & Lobsters**

It was nighttime. When I walked into the family room, I saw something terrifying. King Dad was wearing a tuxedo. Something weird was going on.

"Why are you wearing a tuxedo?" I asked.

"Why _aren't you_ wearing a tuxedo?" King Dad asked.

"Cause I'm not weird." I replied. King Dad rolled his eyes.

"I have a date. I'm bringing her here. So you better be on your best behavior!" King Dad boomed.

"All right!" I said. _Good luck with that._ I ran into Lemmy's room and knocked on the door. He opened it.

"What?" He asked.

"King Dad's bringing…" I stopped. My other siblings were gambling with Bowletta's money.

"King Dad's bringing what?" Roy asked.

"A girl…why are you using Bowletta's money?" I finished.

"Cause we're not gonna use our money." Roy said.

"Weird…" I muttered.

"_We're_ weird? _You're _the one that has security cameras in the refrigerator!"

"Somebody will steal our food one day…Morton!" I said.

"Shut up!" Morton shouted, eating a hamburger.

"You do know King Dad made dinner…right?" Wendy O' said.

"Big boy's gotta eat!" Morton replied, and then burped.

"But Larry doesn't eat." Wendy O' said. I shoved her. Roy laughed.

"So who's the girl?" Boom Boom asked.

"I don't know." I said.

"Oh." Boom Boom said.

"You think she's pretty?" Iggy asked.

"I don't know." I said.

"You think she's ugly?" Pom-Pom asked.

"I don't know." I said.

"You think she's stupid?" Ludwig Von asked.

"I don't know." I said.

"Guys! She's here!" I heard King Dad yell. We ran downstairs.

What we saw was unexpected. A Koopa with orange colored hair. She was kinda pretty. Kinda. She didn't look too happy.

"Who are these?" she asked.

"These are my…uh…cousins!" King Dad replied. _He didn't tell her he had 8 children and Bowletta's niece & nephew? What the freak?_

"What are your names?" she asked.

"My name's Cupcake Sprinkles." I said. Everyone laughed. King Dad glared. The lady gasped.

"My name's Butt Ocks." B.J said. (Bowser Jr.)

"My name's Jack the Ripper." Morton said.

"My name's Cheese Nips." Pom-Pom said.

"My name's Butterfly Rainbows." Lemmy said.

"My name's Ken Foree." Ludwig Von said.

"My name's Tony Todd." Wendy O' said.

"My name's Pinkie Pie." Roy said.

"My name's The Exorcist." Boom Boom said.

"My name's Kiss My—" Iggy said.

"ENOUGH!" King Dad yelled.

"You all have…odd names." The woman said. "Especially Kiss My—"

"THAT'S BECAUSE THAT'S **NOT** THEIR REAL NAMES!" Kind Dad screamed.

"Then what are their names?" The woman said.

"Tell her your real names or else I'll smack the Koopa outta you."

"I'm About To Leave." I said and ran.

"Same!" Everyone else said and followed me.

"Ugh!" King Dad yelled.

We went to Lemmy's room (He's got the biggest room, BTW).

"We gotta get rid of that woman." I said immediately as we sat down.

"Agreed." Everyone said.

"I got some things in my room." Morton said, and left. He returned with guns.

"Those are guns." Iggy said.  
"Oh. I thought they were harmonicas." Morton said sarcastically.

"I mean, what are we gonna do with them?" Lemmy said.

"We're gonna donate them to the poor." Morton said. I snickered.

"Why would we—" Lemmy was cut off.

"We're not gonna donate them to the poor, you idiot! We're gonna shoot that worthless piece of crap!" Morton said.

"Why would we shoot Larry? Why don't we shoot King Dad's date?" Wendy O' said. I stuck my tongue out at her. Roy laughed.

"Let's go! Act sophisticated." Morton said. We all stared at each other. Then all 10 of us burst out laughing.

"Yeah right!" Boom Boom said as he wiped a tear from his eyes. "Us? Sophisticated?"

"That's like telling Lady Gaga to wear something normal!" Wendy O' said. We nodded.

"Let's go." Morton repeated. We walked casually to the kitchen.

"Act normal." Morton whispered.

"Got it." We whispered back. We sat down politely. It took us a while before King Dad was convinced we would do nothing crazy.

"Wonderful dinner, King Father. Please pass the butter, Wendy Opal." I said.

"Glad to, Lawrence." Wendy O' said. She gave me the butter.

"Thank you, Wendy Opal." I said.

"Will you pass me that lobster, Mister Lemuel?" B.J asked. We snickered.

"With pleasure, Mister Bowser Jr.…I mean B.J." Lemmy said.

"Did he just 'Bowser Jr.'?" The woman asked.

"No! He said 'Ow Sure June Your!'" King Dad said.

"Lame!" I coughed so King Dad or the woman wouldn't understand me. Roy snickered.

"What?" The woman asked.

"Nothing." We all said.

"Guys, I forgot to tell you my girlfriend's name. Her name is Darlene." King Dad said.

"Hi, Darlene." We all said.

"Tell Darlene your real names." King Dad said.

"Is that really necessary?" I asked. King Dad gave me his _Yes it is. Do it or it's your funeral _look.

"I'm Ludwig Von." Ludwig Von said.

"I'm Lemmy." Lemmy said.

"I'm Roy." Roy said.

"I'm Iggy." Iggy said.

"I'm Wendy O'." Wendy O' said.

"I'm Morton Jr." Morton said.

"I'm Larry." I said.

"I'm B.J." B.J said.

"I'm Boom Boom." Boom Boom said.

"I'm Pom-Pom." Pom-Pom said.

"Happy now?" I said.

"I am!" Morton said, munching on a lobster, shell and all.

"Uh…why are you eating the shell?" Darlene asked.

"Cause I like it. Got a problem with that?" Morton snapped.

"Calm down, Morton." King Dad said.

"I AM CALM!" Morton shouted. King Dad shook his head.

"Well, now that you're uh…King Bowser's girlfriend, you should know the rules in this castle." Iggy said.

"Yeah!" We all agreed. King Dad glared.

"Uh, okay?" Darlene said.

"First, we don't play." Roy said.

"What do you mean?" Darlene asked. _What the heck do you think we mean? _

"We mean you better leave us alone, or your funeral." Ludwig Von said, and we all held up our guns and aimed it at Darlene, who obviously wanted to say she'd be right back and jump out the window. Just like Clawdia, B.J's real mother. King Dad's eyes got wide, rolled them, and he put his head down on the table.

"Uh…okay? Where'd you…uh…get the guns? And why?" Darlene asked.

"Cause we don't want you to become our mother. Remember Clawdia?" I said. Everyone nodded except B.J. He shook his head. "And Bowletta?"

"I don't know either of those people." B.J said.

"We don't know Clawdia." Boom Boom said, pointing to him and Pom-Pom.

"Bowletta was our mother. Clawdia was B.J's. Bowletta said she was going to the store and we never saw her again." Iggy said.

"Actually Bowletta didn't like me, and so she left." I said.

"Uh…guys…" King Dad said, but we ignored him.

"How do you know that?" Wendy O' asked.

"She didn't like me cause I'm sneaky and you don't know where to find me. You answer your question." I said.

"YOU SPIED?" King Dad yelled. Again we ignored him.

"What's going on?" Darlene asked. "Was Bowletta your sister? And Clawdia?"

"THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" Lemmy shrieked. We never heard him yell like that before. Darlene made a face.

"And what about Clawdia?" Pom-Pom asked.

"Clawdia's boyfriend brought her to our house. She had just given birth to B.J. We all liked him, and Larry was excited to be a big brother. But Clawdia tried to run away with B.J and raise him by herself. But we wouldn't let her. We all loved B.J and didn't wanna lose him. So we all followed her and eventually we caught her and took B.J away. She hurt most of us, and then Morton chased her out of the city with a chainsaw. We had followed him, but we were so far away from home that we got a ride from the nearest car, and ice cream truck. We told him the story, and we got free ice cream for a whole year and our dad never found out. UNTIL NOW!" Iggy said. King Dad glared.

"You _hitchhiked_?" He yelled.

"But it was 5 years ago." Lemmy said. "We were dumber then."

"Yeah." We agreed.

"Who is your father?" Darlene asked.

"I am." King Dad finally admitted. "Bowletta is my ex-wife and Clawdia is my ex-girlfriend."

"You have 10 children?" Darlene gasped.

"8. Boom Boom & Pom-Pom are Bowletta's sister's children." King Dad said. _Just say they're your niece and nephew!_

"Really? I LOVE CHILDREN!" Darlene said. We all rolled our eyes. King Dad smiled.

"Well, I have to go to a very important meeting tomorrow, and I need a babysitter for them." King Dad said. _Translation: I'm forced to go to a boring meeting and I want you to get a chance to bond with the Koopalings and Boom Boom & Pom-Pom. Would you mind?_

"You need a _what_?" Roy said.

"Ludwig Von is 20! He always babysits!" Iggy said.

"Shut up. Ignore what they said. Would you babysit them?" King Dad said.

"Well, I'd love to babysit them!" Darlene said. _Oh no. This is not good._ We all looked at each other.

"Uh oh." We all said at exact same time. Morton grabbed a lobster and started eating.

_Time for another episode of And The Problems Start. Starring: The Koopalings. Special guest star: Darlene._


	2. Chapter 2: Cooking, Cooking, Cooking

**Bowser's New Girlfriend**

**Chapter 2: Cooking, Cooking, Cooking**

**T**he next day, we all met in Lemmy's room to discuss our plans for the day. We were gonna be ourselves. And readers, may I tell you, being ourselves is **NEVER** good. So after we ate breakfast, King Dad told us some advice.

"You better be nice to Darlene, cause I really like her, and one or all of you always ruins it for me!" King Dad yelled.

"King Dad, we do it cause we love you!" Wendy O' said. _We do?_

"Right. Now remember what I said, and if you ruin this for me, I'll knock the spikes off of EVERY ONE OF YOU!" King Dad yelled again.

"Geez, what do you think we're gonna do? Kill her?" Roy asked.

"Well, yesterday you all held up guns. I don't know what to expect from any of you." King Dad said.

"Alright, alright! We get it." I said as the doorbell rang. King Dad actually squealed.

"Behave." He said as he opened the door. Sure enough, Darlene was at the door. She was smiling.

"Hello, children! I hope we can all learn to get along and have fun!" Darlene said.

"Aw, save it, Priss." Roy said. We snickered. King Dad glared at us. We shut up.

"Excuse me?" Darlene said.

"_Excuse me?_" Roy said, mocking her. We all covered our mouths and laughed.

"I gotta go." King Dad said. He kissed Darlene and left. _Gross._

"I'm hungry." Morton said.

"Then go get something to eat." Darlene said.

"Cook us a meal." Morton said. We nodded.

"Well, what kind of meal?" Darlene asked. We all glanced at each other.

"Fried chicken." B.J said.

"With homemade mashed potatoes." I said.

"And homemade yeast rolls." Iggy said.  
"And for dessert—PEACH COBBLER!" We all said at the same time.

"Uh…okay. How do you fry chicken?" Darlene asked.

"Get a skillet, get the chicken in the refrigerator, and fry it!" Boom Boom snapped.

"Duh." Wendy O' said.

"Okay! Do you have a cookbook?" Darlene asked.

"Man, do you know how to cook?" Pom-Pom asked.

"I work at the Hoopla factory." Darlene said. _HOOPLA FACTORY?_

"But Hoopla food is made with a bunch of crap." Lemmy said.

"Called negative food." Darlene said.

"I hate you." I said.

"Why?" Darlene asked.

"Negative food isn't real food. It's made of dead things and manure!" Lemmy said.

"Cook some NORMAL food." B.J said.

"Alright." Darlene said and went to the kitchen.

About half an hour later, Darlene called us for dinner. We ran and sat down. B.J almost took a bite out of the mashed potatoes, but Ludwig Von stopped him.

"We need to check to see if there's any negative food in there." He said.

"Right." Pom-Pom said. We all checked to make sure there was no negative food. There wasn't. So B.J took a bite, and spit it out.

"What's wrong?" Darlene asked.

"What's wrong?" B.J snapped. "All you did was get a potato and mash it!"

"That's what's you're supposed to do."

"NO YOU DON'T!" B.J yelled.

"What do you do?" Darlene asked just as I spit out my chicken.

"THIS CHICKEN ISN'T COOKED ALL THE WAY!" I screamed. "THERE'S STILL BLOOD!"

"Wait…guys, I have an idea." Lemmy whispered.

"That's the first one I've heard in years." Ludwig Von said. Lemmy gave him a Look.

"I think we get Ludwig Von's bell and ring it when we need her to do something." Lemmy said.

"Are you okay?" Ludwig Von asked. "Seriously, you have a great idea. That's abnormal."

"Your hair's abnormal." Lemmy said. We snickered. I got the bell. B.J rang it.

"Seasoning." He said. Darlene put salt and pepper in the potatoes.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Salt and pepper ain't no seasoning."

"Yes it—" Darlene started.

"Okay, NO. IT'S. NOT. Let's make our own food. I ain't eating this crap." B.J said.

"Great idea!" We said.

"Roy, can you get your special cookbooks?" Lemmy asked.

"Sure." He said and got them. Roy actually is a great cook. He makes his own cookbooks.

"Great. Let's start." I said. Roy got the chicken and put it on a skillet and began frying it. B.J peeled the potatoes and sliced them, Morton mashed them and added milk and butter. Then he added kosher salt and pepper, and garlic powder. He mixed it together. Then Boom Boom began making his special smoothies.

"Apple." He said. Pom-Pom gave him some apples, which he put in the blender.

"Banana."

"Mango."

"Peach."

"Orange." And so on.

I made the yeast rolls. I made the dough using flour and milk, and rolled the dough into a ball. Ludwig Von made the peach cobbler.

"Oven." I said. I passed it to Roy, who passed it to Iggy, who passed it to Wendy O', who passed it to Morton, who passed it to B.J, who passed it to Ludwig Von, who passed it to Lemmy, who put the rolls in the oven. Then we all set the table and washed up. I could see the look on Darlene's face. Shocked.

Soon the food was ready. We served ourselves and sat down to eat. Darlene reached for some chicken, but B.J stabbed her hand with a fork.  
"You eat your own cooking, Priss." He said and we laughed.

"Alright." She sighed. "I just wanted to see if your food was really good."

"Aw, you wouldn't know good food if you were Bobby Flay." I snapped. We snickered.

"Excuse me, but I do not like the tone of your voice, young man." Darlene snapped back.

"Who you talking to like that?" I snapped again.

"You!" Darlene said.

"Oh no you ain't!" I yelled.

"Oh yes I am!" She yelled back.

"Look Darlene, if you're gonna be yelling at my little brother like that, you're _way _wrong." Iggy snapped. We never heard him snap at someone.

"Listen, nerdy kid, I am a grown woman and you can't tell me what to do!" Darlene yelled.

"I know she ain't talking to me like that!" Iggy said.

"Listen, ALL OF YOU ARE GROUNDED!" Darlene screamed.

"STOP GETTING CRUNK WITH US! YOU CAN'T JUST COME INTO SOMEBODY'S HOUSE AND ORDER THEM AROUND JUST CAUSE YOU WANT TO!" Morton boomed.

"YEAH!" We all screamed.

"So get your lazy negative butt outta here fore _I _do!" Roy shouted.

"YEAH!" We all screamed again.

"No. Your father told me to baby—"

"No. Our dad wanted us to bond, which didn't work out." I snapped.

"Whatever. I'M STAYING!" Darlene yelled.

"Alright. You heard the woman. Roy, will you take her to our 'special room'?" I said.

"Sure. Come along." Roy took her to the freezer. He clapped two times. Kamek appeared.

"Yes?" Kamek asked.

"Will you lock the freezer?" Roy asked.

"Sure." He took out his wand and locked it. Then he disappeared.

"Uh oh. King Dad's home!" Lemmy yelled. "RUN!" We ran to Lemmy's room.

"Okay. Act casual." Lemmy said. We began playing our version of Monopoly. It's where we use Homies, and we have cards that allow you to rob the bank.

When King Dad opened the door, Wendy O' was robbing the bank.

"Where's Darlene?" He asked.

"Oh, well…she's well…frozen up at the moment." Iggy said.

"Did you all get along?" King Dad asked.

"Yep." We all said at the same time. "We did." Then we snickered.


	3. Chapter 3: The Proposal

**Bowser's New Girlfriend**

**Chapter 3: The Proposal**

**K**ing Dad was not very happy with us when he found out we locked Darlene in the freezer. He grounded all of us for a month.

"King Dad would've locked her in the freezer too if he tasted her cooking!" I said.

"Yeah." Lemmy said.

"He is SO unfair!" Wendy O' shouted. We nodded in agreement. Someone knocked on Lemmy's door.

"Get it, Totem Pole." Wendy O' said to Iggy.

"Fine!" He said. He opened the door and there stood King Dad.

"Listen. Darlene's coming over for a special dinner. And I have a special surprise for her." He said.

"A gun?" Morton asked.

"No. You'll see." King Dad answered. _I know this isn't good at all._

Later on that day, King Dad made us wear tuxedos. Except for the girls, who wore dresses. He made a special dinner, sea food. Morton said it was heaven. We rolled our eyes. There were lobsters (again), crabs, squid and octopus (gag), fish: tilapia, catfish, brim, and cod, shrimp and krill (gross), and caviar (also gross). He even set the table all fancy and…gag…_sophisticated_.

"What the heck is that?" Lemmy gagged.

"That's caviar." I said. He looked at me.

"Fish eggs." I said. He gagged again.

"I love caviar!" Darlene said.

"Well, someone who eats Hoopla food would definitely like fish eggs." B.J pointed out.

"Shut up and sit down." King Dad said. We sat down.

"Gimme some krill!" Morton boomed.

"Manners!" King Dad said. "You gotta have them."

"We got a lot of manners! All of us!" Boom Boom said, his mouth full of crab. King Dad rolled his eyes.

"Ew! What is this?" B.J asked, wiggling the octopus's tentacles.

"Octopi." Iggy said. We looked at him.

"Octopus, stupid!" Roy said and whacked Iggy's head with a squid. He rubbed his head.

"That's the—" Iggy started.

"We know, we know. Octopi means more than one octopus." Ludwig Von said.

"STOP TALKING ALL SCIENCY!" I said. I had to slap Ludwig Von with my tilapia.

"OW!" Ludwig Von said. He slapped me with an octopus.

"Stop it, guys!" Lemmy said. I smacked him with a lobster. He threw some caviar at me. I threw some back at him.

"FOOD FIGHT!" We all shouted. King Dad's eyes got wide. So did Darlene's. We began throwing food across the room, mainly caviar. Boom Boom knocked Iggy out with a catfish. Lemmy threw some brim at Wendy O'. She threw some caviar at him, but missed and hit Pom-Pom. We were all throwing food until King Dad screamed, "**STOP!**"

"Larry started it." B.J said.

"I did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"STOP!" King Dad shouted again. Then Iggy woke up.

"Am I dead?" He asked stupidly.

"You're dead to me!" Wendy O' said.

"You're not dead, Iggy." Lemmy said.

"Yay!" Iggy said. _Loser._

"Everyone, quiet. I have something to say to Darlene." King Dad said. _That you hate her and you'll break up with her and we'll never see her sorry self again?_

"Yes, Bowser?" Darlene said.

"I apologize for the way they've been acting. They usually are more normal." King Dad said. _We are?_ "But anyway, here it goes." He went on his knees and held up a ring. _Oh no. Please don't say it, please don't say it, please don't say it, please don't say it…_

"Darlene will you marry me?" _Crap. He said it! Please don't say it, please don't say it, please don't say it, please don't say it…_

"YES!" Darlene shrieked. _Crap. She said it!_ We looked at each other.

"NOOOO!" We all shouted.

"I don't want that BEAST to be my MOTHER!" Roy said.

"None of us do!" I said. _Stay tuned for Here Comes The Evil Mother._


	4. Chapter 4: The Wedding

**Bowser's New Girlfriend**

**Chapter 4: The Wedding**

**T**he wedding was two weeks after King Dad proposed to Darlene. He made us get fancy clothes. I have NEVER had to wear a tuxedo. I hated it. I wanted to kill Darlene. Then the wedding would be off. But _no_. King Dad and Darlene were at the church. The rest of us were in charge of the cake. I love wedding cake. Iggy came running into the room.

"Guys! I have an idea! So when I was at the store, I saw this guy. He said I was King Bowser's son. I told him yes, and how'd he know that, he said that his ex-girlfriend Darlene who he loved a lot, had tweeted about her new boyfriend, King Bowser. So I told him to go to the wedding and win her back. He asked why, and I said none of us liked her, so he agreed!" He said. We cheered.

"THAT WAS BRILLIANT!" Roy shouted. We nodded.

"Let's get this cake to the church and let the dude win her back!" I shouted. Everyone cheered again.

"Won't King Dad be upset?" Lemmy asked.

"Yeah, but he'll get over it." Ludwig Von said.

"But he cried for 3 weeks when Bowletta left him." Wendy O' pointed out. B.J, Pom-Pom, and Boom Boom giggled.

"It wasn't funny. He made us miserable. We couldn't sleep with all his crying." I said.

"But I've never seen King Dad cry." B.J said.

"Let's hope you never do." Iggy said.

"Yeah." We all agreed.

At the church, we dropped off the cake. Iggy kept jumping.

"There's the guy!" He shouted. We all ran to him.

"Hi!" We said.

"Whoa!" He said.

"We're King Bowser's children!" We said.

"But we're his niece and nephew from his first wife, Bowletta." Boom Boom and Pom-Pom said.

"Oh! Hi!" He said.

"So…go win her back!" Iggy said.

"You sure? How'd your dad feel?" The guy asked.

"We don't know. So do it!" I said, but the music started. _Crap._ Soon the preacher dude started talking. Morton was asleep.

As soon as the preacher dude said "Darlene, do you take this man to be your husband?" Darlene said, "Yes." But when he said "Bowser, do you take this woman to be your wife?" he said "No." Darlene looked at him, and we gasped.

"Uh…Bowser…" Darlene said.

"I just realized something…my children don't like you." King Dad said. _He _just _realized that?_

"Uh…Bowser…" Darlene repeated.

"And I want my children to be happy." _YES! _We sat up and cheered.

"But…" Darlene started.

"Sorry." King Dad said.

"Go back to your old boyfriend!" I shouted and pointed at him.

"Jake? No way!" Darlene said. She just started to cry. King Dad hugged all 10 of us.

"BYE FOREVER, BOWSER!" Darlene shouted.

"THAT'S KING BOWSER TO YOU!" King Dad shouted. We laughed. Darlene's face scrunched up and she cried harder. Then she ran…well _tried_ to run. She tripped on her dress, scratched it, and scratched her face. She crawled away, with Jake chasing her.

"That was a waste of time." King Dad sighed. "What about our cake?"

"You ain't gotta worry 'bout the cake!" Morton said, his mouth full of cake. We laughed.

"Let's start eating some before Morton finishes it." I said. Everyone nodded and sat down. Morton shoved some cake in Ludwig Von's mouth.  
"Ick vewy goob." Ludwig Von said. Iggy put B.J on his lap and he gulped down some cake.

"King Dad?" I said.

"Yes?"

"Next time you bring a girl over, and we don't like her…" I said

"Good luck with that!" Everyone finished my sentence. Morton took some cake off my plate.

"Hey!" I said.

"Big boy's gotta eat." Morton said. We laughed again. This time, all 11 of us. It didn't get any better than this.

**THE END**


End file.
